AN,ANALYSIS,OF,THE,DIFFERENCES,BETWEEN,CHINESE,AND,AMERICAN,MARRIAGE

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　An Analysis of the Differences between Chinese and American Marriage 学院：

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　2017 年 5 月 4 日 AN ANALYSIS OF THE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN CHINESE AND AMERICAN MARRIAGE By Yu Yao A Thesis Submitted in Partial Fulfillment of the Requirements for the Degree of Bachelor of Arts in English Under the Supervision of Professor Mu Xiuli Henan University of Urban Construction May 2017 摘要 人类的婚姻观具有共同性，但世界上各民族社会经济、政治、文化甚至地理条件的不同，也使婚姻观形成了各自的特点。中美文化分

　别是东、西方文化的典型代表，其婚姻观既具有共性又具有个性。目前，当代美国婚姻状况呈现出初婚年龄大、在婚率低、离婚率高等特点，婚姻模式愈发多元化。中国婚姻状况则比较稳定，离婚率低、多婚相对罕见，但离婚率也在连年上升。两国婚姻状况差异背后有着复杂的经济、社会、政策、文化、宗教等方面的原因。如何保持重视家庭的优良传统，积极构建正确的婚姻价值观，值得我们深入思考。本文以中美婚姻的价值观念为切入点，通过对比分析中美婚姻状况中的差异，进而分析差异背后的中美文化不同，着重分析了中美之间的文化传统、宗教信仰、价值观念、思维模式等诸多原因，有针对性地提出了保持和改善我国婚姻状况的若干政策建议。

　关键词：中美婚姻观；中美文化；比较 Abstract The view of marriage of human beings has the common characteristics. Due to the different social, economic, political, cultural and even geographical conditions of the various nationalities in the world, it also forms the view of marriage with their own characteristics. The typical one is the East and West culture, and their marriage concepts are both common and individual. At present, the marital status in the contemporary American women show some features: large age at first marriage, low marriage rate, high divorce rate, increasingly diversified marital pattern, large proportion in single mother, and dramatically increased cohabitation and lesbian

　phenomenon. On the other hand, the marriage of Chinese women is more stable with low divorce rate and relatively rare polygamy and lesbians, but the divorce rate of the female is also rising year after year. The

　complex economic, social, cultural and religious reasons are showed in different marital status. How to continue to promote the gender equality and liberation, make efforts to get rid of women"s economic dependence in marriage, maintain the importance of family traditions and actively build the correct female marriage values, are worthy of our in-depth thinking. Based on the values of the marriage as the starting point, this paper analyzed the differences in marital status and the culture. Meanwhile, it emphatically analyzed the cultural traditions, religious beliefs, values, the mode of thinking and many other reasons and put forward some policy suggestions to maintain and improve the marriage the situation of our country. Key Words: marriage view; cultural in China and America; comparison Contents 1. Introduction------------------------------------------------------------------1 1.1 Research Background---------------------------------------------------------------1

　1.2 Research Status----------------------------------------------------------------------1 1.3 Research Purpose and Significance----------------------------------------------3 1.4 Innovation Points-------------------------------------------------------------------3 2. The Differences of Marriage between China and America---------5 2.1 Differences of the Nature Wedding----------------------------------------------5 2.2 Differences of Attitude to choosing a mate/partner----------------------------6 2.3 Differences of Marriage Purpose--------------------------------------------------7 2.4 Differences of the Views on Divorce---------------------------------------------8 3. The Reasons of Differences in Marriage between China and America -------------------------------------------------------------------------10 3.1 Differences in Historical and Cultural Background----------------------------10 3.2 Differences in Religious Beliefs--------------------------------------------------11

　3.3 Differences in Values---------------------------------------------------------------11 3.4 Differences in Factors to Maintain Marriage------------------------------------12 4. Conclusion -------------------------------------------------------------------14 1. Introduction 1.1 Research Background Marriage is an ancient theme in human society. The view of marriage is simply a person views to marriage and family. It refers to the individual nature of marriage and family, the base from perfect marriage and the inner scale in moral problems. It is the performance of the individual values in marriage and it is also an important part of values. Marriage directly reflects a person"s outlook on life, orientation and standard values. The behavior of mate people and marriage also play an important guiding role, and even affect their lives or generations of happiness. The formation and development of marriage is not only influenced by their own culture the quality and the moral level, but also by the Social material standards, customs, ethics, etc. Due to the geographical location of distant, different historical and cultural background, it leads the marriage differences in the China and Western countries. The short history of marriage view in the United

　States is more different from Chinese marriage view with the five thousand years history. The couple begin from the acquaintance to friend to love to live together, they experience the friendship, love, compassion, and kindness of all experience while marriage is the most direct part in the relationship between men and women, and everyone has to face it in the world. Today the countries all the world increasingly keep close ties and marriage as a part of culture it reflects the enrichment of the social characteristics, moral belief, economic and political as well as cultural phenomenon which is worthy of our attention. 1.2 Research Status 1.2.1 Domestic Research Status For the analysis of the survey by Li Zhi, Wu Shaoqi and Yang Nanli, it showed that college students had different marriage views. The vast majority of college students did not have correct love motives and the percentage of thinking love to establish a family of students accounted for only 10.69%. Most of the people considered the premarital sexual behavior "can be understood, but do not advocate". In the article of A Somparative Study of marriage in China and America, Gui Jiayun proposed the union of marriage was free and free of parental interference in American eyes. Their individualism was also reflected in the marriage and marriage was each person"s personal rights. Both husband and wife were of equal status in marriage. Many

　Americans saw marriage as "partnership", which was a way to realize the self. Love and marriage were the soul. Marriage without love was immoral marriage while marriage without sex was a lopsided combination. 83% of the men and women in the United States believed that love was the indispensable power of men and women to get married. More than 90% of Americans believed that the first condition to maintain a happy marriage was love. Americans in mate selection paid more attention to the mutual understanding, but the two person"s family background, education level and the rest of the conditions were not taken into account. The American concept for marriage and family patterns was more open to single parent families. For gay families and extramarital sexual behavior they were more tolerant. 1.2.2 Overseas Research Status In the 83% of unmarried college students from research by Knox& Zusman, 2/3 of the people thought that love was important. For a happy marriage, love was the foundation. Without love, they would not consider marriage. In terms of sex, the foreign youth was more open. For the study of marriage values, schools was more messy. It analyzed the changes of contemporary marriage values without through the American tradition the marriage values. Various studies did not think the Bible as the spiritual pillar of the western theory of Siwon, lacking of traditional belief theory

　support. The values is the fundamental view of the problem of value and it is a kind of psychological phenomenon, which plays regulatory role and guidance on people"s attitudes and behavior. Marriage is a person of marriage and family while marriage values directly reflects a person"s outlook on life, values orientation and standard on the behavior of people, spouse. Marriage plays an important guiding role. However, for the Bible by the ideological influence of Americans, only using the theory of knowledge to understand the American marriage values is not scientific. 1.3 Research Purpose and Significance 1.3.1 Research Purpose By writing this article, on the western view of marriage difference analysis and summary, it can help understand the cross culture influence in the world, to have a better communication between the two countries. Through the comparison of China and US marriage, it can help us more deeply understand western culture, values and different ways of thinking. Cultural exchange is prevalent today, it will help us to better integrate into the family. At the same time, through the study of marriage, we can understand the American view of marriage. Besides it is more easy to understand the way of thinking, promote cultural exchanges and cooperation. 1.3.2 Significance on Research

　Marriage is rather important in human society. People can understand the history of human society through numerous beautiful wedding and then explore the basic rules in the development of human society. In today"s various cultural collision and fusion of the era, the differences between the western view of marriage is in the contrast with the cultural differences in the China and West. Due to display religion, history, customs and habits of different geographical environment it results in the difference in view of marriage in a certain extent. Especially in recent years, with Chinese join WTO, The exchanges between China and the West are becoming increasingly close. To understand and learn the western culture, strengthen the learning of Chinese and Western history, it is very necessary to learn the westernized wedding customs. Through the study of Chinese and Western view of marriage, we can have a more comprehensive understanding about the western culture, study their advantages and achieve purpose of bringing out one"s strengths to make up for one"s weaknesses. 1.4 Innovation Points Through introducing and comparing the differences between Chinese and American Marriage in many aspects, this paper summed up the reasons of China and American marriage differences, such as cultural traditions, religious beliefs, geographical environment and so on. With the understanding of the marriage culture deepened, we should use more

　rational view to think Chinese and Western cultural blend in marriage, to promote cultural exchanges between countries and the development of excellent traditional culture in China. The development trends can be seen from the modern divorce concept in the view of marriage in China and US. And with the development of the times, different marriage will appear. 2. Differences

　in Chinese and American Marriage

　2.1 Differences in the nature of the wedding 2.1.1 Differences in Chinese wedding The parents choose the daughter-in-law for his son to marry, however in fact it is for the entire family. In the traditional society in China, marriage was a family event. The ancient clan are included. No wonder when daughter-in-law enters the house she will worship ancestors. It can be seen that the essence of the marriage is for others. The man’s marriage is mainly to serve the family and parents. This is a kind of responsibility for obligations to family. Of course, with the development of society, more and more people, especially young people, gradually get rid of some traditional bondage. They do not believe in marriage mainly to the children. They think it is a kind of responsibility for the family. For them, marriage is not only an obligation to the family, and it is also a personal right of them. As a member in society, they have the right to take charge of their own future and various demands.

　2.1.2 Nature of America"s Wedding The diversification on culture and social environment makes many people accept this life creed: every man is for himself, God is for us all, and everyone is the architect of his own fate. They think that the wedding is two person’s thing, as long as both reach to the age of marriage. The third party does not have right to interfere. If they suffer the difficulties in marriage, they do not take the initiative to ask the parents or others, and others will not intervene them. If a problem occurs, they often consult with psychological training and marriage counselors. The counselor provides help but never put forward specific positive proposals. Therefore, American marriage is for myself and the main thing is to find a long-term heterosexual partner in life, leading to the physiological, psychological and social satisfaction. Marriage is the personal right and it is not the obligation. It is a kind of form rather than a liability. 2.2 Differences of Attitude to choosing a mate/partner 2.2.1 Attitude of Chinese people"s choice "The parents’ order and the words of a match-maker" is the ancient attitude to choose the partner. This attitude is also reflected in our ancient Chinese caring consciousness and interdependent psychology. Since the reform and opening up, with the economic and cultural exchanges between China and the West, the younger generation has a free choice to object opportunities.

　As for them, free love is an important part of self value. Most young people are introduced by others, and then the two sides gradually begin to contact, and the value of the interests and compatible personality are showed. But because of the influence of traditional culture and ethics, the parents still reins the growth of the children, requiring the children to walk along the path they designed. Under the wing of the parents, the most young men and women in China are not enough independent, and independence is the prerequisite for free love. Therefore, many young men and women still need parents decided whether in love "mature". In a sense, in the children" mate, parents still indirectly have"power", but from the "single handed" to the "right" or "veto" status. The attitude of parents on children" marriage is also reflected in people"s mind. Of course, the most important thing are "home innocence" and "equal". It is hard to imagine a a "Qinglou" girl to marry a "Millionaire", and a poor man in the poor place could marry a educated "great lady." 2.2.3 Attitude of America The American attitude in the free choice is in a dominant position on object publicity "personality" of the concept of marriage. When many Americans choose a mate, they advocate the absolute freedom of marriage and mostly rely on their own preferences and feelings. If both are in love and have a common interest in love, personality, and mutual

　respect, they can marriage. Americans pay more attention to the cultivation of personal independence. Children have more freedom and equality. They can discuss or debate with parents; They are free to choose the school and work; They can away from home in 18 years, either work or part-time. If they are still living with parents when 20 years they will be looked down upon. Because of the independence education training, American students have the independent choices on the political, social and economic problems as well as the international situation at university. Young Americans will naturally have their own requirements and standards. They find heterosexual friends, no others to introduce. Especially in high school and college, a mate at weekend can be talked when sitting in the center of student activity. In college if boys know a dormitory girl good from friends, they can directly make introductions by calling. If the girl demands for a partner, it is likely to "immediately" agree to date. In America, it is about the character, regardless of their family background, education and religion. They enjoy a romantic love. If they have compatible personality and mutual joy, the first date will determine the relationship. 2.3 Differences of Marriage Purpose 2.3.1 Ethical Marriage with Chinese Style "A man should get married on coming of age, and so should a girl." In the eyes of the Chinese people, it seems to be destined, inevitably

　a major event. Parents raise you to a certain age, then the children have to marry and have children. Elders hope that we have a decent marriage to the hardships of our parents. If you do not marry, it will let the whole family lost face. In the eyes of others they can not lift their heads. Like most migrant workers, just after going out a year or two, parents will urge them to get marriage. If they do not have a mate,the parent will force them to date. Many people follow traditions, ethics, and parents, but only a few are for their own true will. There is also a purpose for the family to have a son to carry on his family name and multiply descendants. The Chinese people call "for the Chinese nation"s prosperity." In the traditional culture of the Chinese nation, before the death if he can see the children and grandchildren, it is a Chinese people"s greatest achievement and satisfaction. Most Chinese people"s marriage has nothing to love. With the family, lover changes to relatives, and the most important is the family. 2.3.2 Fee Marriage in America American marriage is getting on well with each other. American people are independent and realistic. Few are married for the family. U.S. Census Bureau report showed that in 2003, the United States has 4600000 "non marital family", which was only 2900000 in 7 years ago. Many people do not choose to marry. The United States Retired Association (AARP) made a survey of 40 to 69 year old with singles, of which only

　8% of the people looked for marriage as dating the reason, and 49% of people said they just wanted to find a partner to chat with the people. In other words, it is to find a partner. An important reason to consider is economic situation. They hope to have economic independence, and jointly create a happy life. When asked what is the purpose of marriage, 3/4 of Americans think " happiness and a sense of achievement" rather than "children”. 2.4 Differences of the Views on Divorce 2.4.1 Views on Divorce in China With the development of economy and society, China economic and social status is gradually improved, and women have more right to speak in the marriage. Coupled with the impact of western culture, some Chinese dare to choose divorce so that the divorce rate is now in growth trend. Nevertheless, most Chinese fear divorce, because the couple have disputes in children and property. When it has problems, they will not choose divorce to solve the problem, but the most common approach is to "comprise." According to a survey in China, 44.1% of people said they did not divorce for the time being, and 31.1% said they wanted to see the seriousness of the problem. Even husband or wife has

　affairs behavior in the common women, they will continue to maintain the marriage. Of course, the stable marriage relationship comes from the social environment of collectivism prevailing. In China it is a human society,

　which pays attention to the harmonious relationship among people. It also is a country with strong sense of face. When Chinese women encounter marital problems, they will seek a friend to talk or go back home alone for a long time. Then the atmosphere of the mutual concern and care soon let the contradictions of marriage dissipation. Moreover, because of family and social pressure, a lot of Chinese women on divorce is also very careful. In China, the leftover lady tends to be highly educated, highly intelligent and a higher income, but also has higher economic income. But unfortunately, these women in China are not the best choice for many male marriages. At the same time, this kind of women also has a very high demand for the choice of a partner, which makes a lot 3S lady produced in China. 2.4.2 Americans" View of Divorce Relatively speaking, the divorce rate in America is very high. All kinds of celebrities or public figures to divorce are common in newspapers. The the number of 3S lady is increasing. Many American women can accept the divorce, and think it as a normal thing. They can not accept her husband"s disloyalty. Of course, there are a small number of women in the United States who can not use divorce to solve emotional problems. But the majority of American women feel that if there is no love, or a love affair happens, they will terminate the marriage in the United States. In addition, in the weak affection country, when

　couples relationship is disharmony, other people give less emotional dredge, which is a reason for higher rate of divorce in the United States. 3. The Reasons of Differences in Marriage

　 3.1 Differences in Historical and Cultural Background 3.1.1 Confucianism in China In the ancient times, marriage is the words of the matchmaker and is arranged by the parents. Women did not have the right to choose their own mate and the marriage was not a simple combination of two individuals. It was about the whole family, belonging to family events. Therefore, when the Chinese women chose partners, they would consider the family situation at first and pay much attention to the background, property and other conditions, while the parents played a key role in the views. When the husband betrayed them, they would choose to compromise, or use other marital strategies to maintain the marriage, but did not divorce. They felt that divorce was a kind of destruction for the family, and it was also a negative attitude towards divorce in Chinese social environment. 3.1.2 American Pluralism In terms of the traditional culture, the history of the United States was short and it was a young country and did not experience the feudal society stage, belonging to a diversified society with a strong inclusiveness. Americans do not have a strong sense of family and group

　consciousness, but believe in personal freedom and independent choice. American women believe in Christianity, think that marriage is God"s gift. Marriage is sacred and love is not blasphemous. Marriage is two person’s things, not relating to the third party. American women are married in order to find a physical, psychological and social ability to meet their life partner, so for them marriage is their rights, not a duty, entirely for their own happiness. They can not tolerate betrayal. When betrayal occurs, they will divorce rather than to endure infidelity to maintain the marriage. And when the marriage is in the emergence of cracks or difficulties in life, the United States women do not go to seek friends and family to cry like Chinese women, but consult the marriage counselor or think alone. The marriage counselor will respect the rights of the parties and freedom of choice to help analyze but will not propose the specific recommendations for divorce or continue to maintain the marriage. 3.2 Differences in Religious Beliefs 3.2.1 Buddhist Faith in China Buddhism was introduced to China for more than a thousand years of history. People believe that "Buddha" controls everything in the world. Buddhism is in the contrary with the development of human society. Its

　typical thing is to abandon having children and to become monk. In many Western countries, especially in Anglo-American, people believe in Christianity and mostly devout Christians. Christianity believes that the

　harmony between men and women is a basic harmony. People get married with mutual love, promotion and combination. 3.2.2 Christian Faith in the United States Americans believe in Christianity, thinking marriage is God"s gift. The Christian model in American marriage is: God will decide the personal interests of loyalty to love forever. The different ideologies of religious beliefs are bound to differ in the concept of marriage. 3.3 Differences in Values 3.3.1 Collectivism in China China is a cultural group with collectivism as its core value, and individual interests should be subordinated to collective interests. It pays attention to the development of harmonious and mutual relationship. Most Chinese family members take the interests of the family as the center. Under the influence of Confucianism, it is not completely equal for the family members. Marriage is a major influence on both spouses. In China, marriage is no longer a personal problem. It contains moral, responsibility, honor and other factors. The Chinese are proud of modesty and open-minded. They oppose to show themselves too much. Therefore, the Chinese culture reflects the cultural characteristics of a group and it is not allowed to override personal values above the interests of the community. In the new marriage age, there is a saying: marrying a man in China is to marry all his social relations sum. The essence of

　traditional marriage is to put family first, but personal happiness is not worth mentioning. Under the impact of this tradition, countless people give up love and happiness and get peace of mind and masturbation for thousands of years. For the collective, the small family naturally gives way to the collective. Since ancient times there is the great example of Dayu to control the flood without going home three times even if he passed by it. The mainstream ideology also advocates to put public interests before private one. Violators will be considered as selfish and are lack of moral sentiments. 3.3.2 Individualism in the United States Americans are supporting independence and freedom. Its unique cultural origins, monomial thoughts form American family value independence, rights and equality, outstanding personal equality, independent development and power consciousness in western culture reflect the individual characteristics of the culture. The cultural identity of individuals advocates the value of personal interests above the group. In American society,

　family is always more important than work in the mainstream view. When work and family have serious conflicts, give up work. There are three kinds of American family patterns: Jewish Christian family pattern, romantic love and family patterns, mode of marriage and family rationality. 3.4 Differences in Factors to Maintain Marriage

　3.4.1 Factors on Marriage in China When asked what is the important element to maintain the marriage, the Chinese women will be more willing to reply about love, family and children. Especially

　family and children are very important for Chinese women. Many women believe that marriage is to live together without others. In addition to the physiological and psychological needs, they think marriage as a way to continue the family name. If a marriage can be maintained to the end of life, it is perfect and by the praise of the public. In the past, man was the main source of family income, women were economically dependent on men. But with the development of society, more and more women participate in economic activities, their status gradually are improved and the concept of marriage are also changed. The importance of love to maintain marriage factors is significant. It is still important to maintain a harmonious relationship for husband and wife. Of course, a good cook is regarded as the most important factor of the stability marriage by part women. As the saying goes, to seize the heart of a man, the first thing is to seize his stomach. 3.4.2 Factors to Marriage in America In the other hand, American women see marriage with different views. Once men and women get married, they must be loyal to each other. So, the loyalty is the most important factor to maintain the marriage. In addition, they also emphasize family value. Whether their

　husband what to do, the husband must remember the family and remember to have dinner with the family. Unlike China women, American women believe that sex is another important factor to maintain the marriage. They do not think that is a shame and it is difficult to put in good taste thing. They think that sex is good and plays an important role for sexual happiness. American women believe to catch a man"s heart, grab the man"s sex first and catch her husband"s heart as long as the woman is sexy. This is the clearest and most direct answer to the question on how to keep a marriage together for ordinary people in China and the United States. 4. Conclusion With the deepening of the communication between China and the United States, a lot of Chinese women"s marriage views also gradually tend to be more open, start to choose their own marriage according to the individual rather than their parents and the whole family. But in communicating with marriage view it will still appear misunderstanding and obstacles for women in China and the United State. Thus it requires both sides to strengthen the understanding of each other marriage culture, respect each other"s culture and customs, avoid breaking each other"s marriage cultural taboos and hold a tolerance and learning attitude to communicate. With the development of the times, more transnational marriages in China and America happen. It can help to build a

　harmonious

　relation to understand of the female marriage view. Women as the vulnerable groups in marriage, strengthening the understanding of the marriage view can also inject the wisdom into the happiness of marriage and family and enhance the quality of family life. 参考文献：

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